Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Cure for Stress

What is Stress? The definition may vary slightly from person to person, but we've all felt its effects at some point or another and have our own experiences associated with the word. Stress is the failing to respond appropriately to emotional or physical threats we happen to perceive day to day, and the symptoms can range anywhere from mild irritation to serious health risks.

The term stress was invented by man to describe the body's reaction to a threat (the alarm we first feel, the resistance we put up, and then finally exhaustion). One might say it is 'man-made', and in this day and age has become widely overused and abused and is the scape-goat of mankind to why we can't cope, concentrate, stay calm, or just plain be happy!

So what can we do about it??? Well, the last thing I would suggest you do is take any type of drugs or medication to ease your 'stress'. Most of the time it is just a band-aid treatment and will only create an unneeded dependency. It's like when I hear that someone has picked up smoking in order to help deal with the stress of school or work, it really actually saddens me. Smoking might help a smoker relax their nerves temporarily due to getting their needed fix of nicotine, but a non-smoker to start for that same reason is a little absurd since they're just creating a new dependency that needs fulfilling... but of course, I digress. There's a better, less temporary and logical way of reducing or eliminating stress from your life, I assure you.

First off, looking back at our definitions, we have to come to terms with the fact that most of the time stress is either imagined or exaggerated in our minds. All we have to do is take control of our imaginations and we can easily steer ourselves in the right direction! It is how you perceive 'stressful' situations that make them stressful to begin with, otherwise it is just another challenge you can and will easily overcome (just like you always have). If you're a logical thinker, you can use statistics to back up your reactions to these situations. Ask yourself, has something like this happened before? How many times in your life? Did you get through it alright? If you take a moment to really think about it, you will realize that you've consistently overcome stressful situations throughout your entire life, and they have helped shape the individual that you are today. I mean, you've made it this far right? Statistically speaking you're going to be okay, because you always have been...

I will mention this concept repeatedly throughout this site, but your life is kind of like your very own movie, where you're the writer, director, and of course the lead roll. This concept is important, because it puts you in the driver seat, giving you control of your life! You are not really a victim of circumstance, but rather an empowered being with the ability to fashion your own environment, how it reacts to you and most importantly how you react to it.

Let's say you're at work and your boss gives you what seems like an unreasonable deadline to complete "X" amount of work. You have a few options (aside from confronting your boss in protest). You can of course panic: worry that you may not be able to get the work done in time and then envision how your boss will react to this. You might worry that you'll get fired, remember all the other mistakes you've ever made at your job, and this cycle of thinking might continue in a systematic downward spiral (worrying tends to cause a chain reaction of negativity). Of course this might be an exaggeration for you. You might just worry about one of these things, it really all depends on the type of person you are! Regardless, the effects of the stress are very real, and you begin to perspire and your heart rate rises. Some people thrive off of this and use the adrenaline to get the work done as quickly and efficiently as possible, but most might not do so well as their emotions cloud their judgment and productivity.

Your other options? Well, first and foremost, always take a moment to breathe. Deep proper breathing will eliminate your anxiety if you focus on it, because it slows your heart rate and gives your brain more oxygen and energy for your body. You may not have noticed, but in a panicked or stressful situation we tend to subconsciously hold our breath, or breath very shallow (watch for it next time). This in turn cuts off the level of oxygen going to the brain, escalates the heart rate (which is trying to deliver as much oxygen as possible), causing a chain reaction in the body which in turn makes us physically more panicked, creating a cycle that was born in your mind. It sounds simple enough, but proper breathing (which the average person rarely does, or even knows how) can control hysteria, stress, anxiety, and anger, among other things.

So now that we covered the breathing, what else can we do? Well your thought patterns should go something like this: "I have been in situations like this before. I have met deadlines in the past so there's no reason to believe I can't do this. I have overcome every obstacle I've ever met one way or another because I'm here now at this very moment aren't I? And even if I don't end up getting this done on time, I will do my very best and know that no one else could possibly do any better. And if my best isn't enough then I'm better off working somewhere else where I'll be appreciated for my efforts..." and so on and so on... a positive cycle of thinking (because it's always possible to put a positive spin on things). The fact is that staying calm will actually allow you to use better judgment and time management in order to get the work done as efficiently as possible. Even the belief that if you stay calm you will get through this is enough to help. Stress is avoided.

Another general solution is to really think about how important the stressful issue is. Ask yourself if it's really as big a deal as you're making it out to be (because usually it isn't). Now compare the situation to something much much worse. Now, aren't you grateful it isn't what you imagined? Sometimes it's hard to think positively in every given situation, but you have to force yourself to see the pro(s) in it somehow, or use the 'things can always be worse' card. The more you look at things positively, the more naturally this ability will come, and then eventually that's how you will approach every problem in your life automatically. You will learn to see problems as a challenge to overcome, a test of character, and something that can ultimately give you strength.

Stress can also be avoided through positive distraction. You can focus on something good in your life, or a future date or plan you can look forward to. Even focusing on a goal is healthy! There are many ways to divert yourself from what we may see as 'problems' and get through life stress-free. We've all heard the phrase "sh*t happens", meaning that life isn't perfect. A reason for this is because if we were happy all the time then we wouldn't know it, for "without the sour, the sweet wouldn't be as sweet". Don't act surprised when something unexpectedly wrong happens, because it usually is a necessary humbling experience that will help you appreciate the good things in your life much more than you already do. If you can understand these laws of the universe and the necessary balance, then maybe you can feel more at peace with your own life.

Studies have shown that the #1 cause of cancer is actually stress, not bad eating patterns, smoking addictions, cell phones, etc (although they certainly don't help!). It puts unnecessary strain on your immune system and cells, and can be very exhausting after the adrenaline rush dies down and your energy is depleted. You will live longer, healthier and happier too, if you can learn to relax and stay in control of yourself. Don't be the star of a mental breakdown /psycho-drama movie. Be the likable lead that overcomes obstacles and has a life full of adventures and happiness...


Thank you for reading.

-The Friendly Individual

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Anger Management (part 2)

**Anger management cont'd**

Nobody wants to be a slave to their emotions. We want to be in control of ourselves and not have to regret anything we've done afterward, right? Well getting control of how anger effects you is a major step in the right direction. Let's see some other factors that can contribute to the problem and more tips to help us cope...

To Vent Or Not To Vent?

Believe it or not but venting isn't always the wisest way to help yourself simmer down, especially depending on the individual you choose to vent to! Most friends or family will happily lend an ear but tend to agree with what you may be complaining about, taking your side, and hence fueling your fire. This allows you to elaborate further and find more about the incident that angers you, escalating the situation rather than helping defuse it. So unless you have someone wise enough to give you a proper objective view on the situation, don't settle for someone's biased view no matter how tempting and satisfying it may be. Another option may be to find a creative or artistic way to vent, such as writing in a journal, making music, or any other hobby or form of expression that can be used as medium to reduce your stress levels.

Respond, don't React

It won't be easy but you have to undo what has most likely been instilled in you from childhood. Depending on your role models, your parents, your friends, or just genetics (you might naturally be more aggressive or impulsive than others), you now need to condition yourself not to act, but rather to respond. Not everyone has the best command of the English language and can't always articulate what's going on in their minds, so keeping it simple is best. Also keeping things short and staying focused is always a better way to express yourself because you might trail off topic, bring up the past, and most likely lose your listener's attention (humans can only take in so much information at a time). So keeping things short (within maybe a minute at a time) and then letting the other speak while you listen is a good way to keep your anger from escalating and a healthy way to communicate back and forth.

Fight or Flight

The "fight or flight" response to acute stress we've been hardwired with should now be a thing of the past. We're conscious beings that are able to transcend beyond our primitive carnal instincts. We have the will and ability to overcome any obstacle and do so without resorting to violence or barbaric impulses of the past. We should look forward with a better solution, both calmer and mutually beneficial that moves society forward, not backwards.

Latest "News"

Lots of people watch television, almost everyone we know actually. Television can be a source of entertainment or information, and keep you busy for hours on end sometimes. Unfortunately, your television may be doing a lot more harm than you think, specifically for those of you that watch the News. Now I can go on and on about the negative aspects of television commercials and the problematic media influences on society that television is also guilty of, but I will choose to stay on topic for argument's sake.

Television News programs tend to express extreme viewpoints (usually one sided) on almost any topic and on both local and international events. As we all know most news is "bad news", but it is usually delivered in a way to get you angry, depressed, or raise fear in you. It changes the way we look at the world, at one another, and delivers an unneeded amount of negativity that is not worth your time or attention. If you wish to learn about the happenings of the world, by all means use any other medium (although even some newspapers and magazines tend to deliver news in the same manner, so be careful). Give your nerves a rest and you may be a lot less prone to anger if you cut out television news programs from your life.

Making Anger Your Ally

Anger can be a positive thing depending on how you express it. Learn to harness the chemical responses within you caused by anger and learn to be more assertive, bold, and quit wasting energy on unproductive anger! It can be used constructively to challenge injustice and wrong, and inspire and change the world for the better! If there are things you want to change in your life but are just too afraid or don't have the willpower to do so, anger can be the perfect motivation you need to jump start and get things into motion . It is invigorating, and energizing, and can be used to protect you from harm and defend yourself against perceived threats (as long as you use it in a positive way, of course). Getting control of your anger doesn't mean being a victim or a push-over to the knuckleheads of the world. Ask yourself what it is you wish to achieve when you get angry, how you would like it to happen, and how you can achieve it in the best way possible for everyone, and anger can inspire a positive change in you, and even others.

**I hope that you enjoyed and learned something about Anger Management. If you have any questions, want me to elaborate on anything I've mentioned, or have a topic you'd like me to discuss, please feel free to let me know via email at: aforwardthinking@gmail.com**


Thank you for reading.

-The Friendly Individual

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Introduction

Well hello,

You can call me Friendly, not that I wish to stay anonymous, but rather because I find it a suitable alias for what I wish to accomplish here.

I have decided after many years giving advice to those in need, online, and to friends and family, when they need it, that I would start a Blog. This will enable me to reach a wider audience and to help those that could use it.

Now, you may be wondering, "Who are you to be giving me advice?". And my answer is, humbly, nobody. I, like you, make mistakes and am always learning as I go along. Although sometimes even though we know what to do, we need to hear or read it from another source
.

So my goals are simply to help people reach emotional stability, make sound and intelligent decisions in their lives and repair or improve relationships and their abilities to form new ones. This can easily be achieved by anyone who chooses to read.

There's no shame in taking (and hopefully using) advice, and everyone can use some every now and again, like I said even me! So if you ever have questions, comments or suggestions, please feel free to let me know and I will address them accordingly as soon as I can.

I will attempt to update my Blog every week as I get adjusted, and have a lot of information and bases to cover. I look forward to it and hope that I can make a difference in some people's lives.

**Stay tuned for my first article which will be on a common emotion that we tend to lose control of: Anger. Everyone can improve on their anger management skills and it is a big topic to cover! Feel free to Subscribe or join the mailing list to the right for further updates.**

Thank you for reading.

-The Friendly Individual