What is Anger?
Ok, let me start by clarifying that anger isn't a bad thing. It is a natural emotion just like any other and can in fact lead you to do something positive. What is bad is how anger can make some of us react instead of respond and lead to actions that are later regretted. Some people can deal with anger well, but others are easily triggered to anger and they can harbor those feelings for hours, sometimes days.
Emotions can be blinding, especially when one is felt very strongly (i.e: "blinded by love", or "blinding rage"), and it's not always the easiest thing to gain control of when felt! The reason we say blinding is because one loses their ability to make rational decisions when strong emotions are felt, particularly with anger. So we will discuss a few things that can be done to better control ourselves when something triggers this curious emotion.
Health risks
Not all of you know this, but your thoughts and emotions play a BIG part on your overall physical health! To some this is common knowledge, but to others this may seem a little absurd, so let me explain. It has been proven that anger can raise blood pressure (which can put you at risk to heart attacks), but furthermore negative emotions such as anger can lower your immune response, cause your body to become more acidic, and set off it's natural processes and cycles (such as elimination), which can in turn cause a chain reaction of health related issues.
Of course we all know the effect it can have on friends and families also. Anger can break up relationships, and keeps people at a distance. Once you're angry you lose all credibility in any disagreements where you're trying to prove a point also. It can be a major setback in life, so if you or someone you know has anger issues, they need to want to get better and help themselves, and the first step can be reading this.
Solutions?
Ok, so what can you do about it?? Well, there is no ONE answer that works for everyone. I will provide a summary of things you can do to help you cope with anger and be on your way to living a happier, peaceful life asap!
Healthy lifestyle.
First thing's first, a healthy lifestyle can have a drastic effect on your anger problems. High intakes of alcohol, caffeine and nicotine, and low nutritional diets will only exacerbate things! You should also try and eliminate sources of anger and stress if possible. If you're working too much and don't really enjoy your job, maybe it's time you found something better? If your significant other or a friend seem to be getting you angry more than they should, have a talk with them, and if after trying the techniques in this post they don't seem to want to improve as you do, then it may be time to move on! Well, you get the idea... a healthy lifestyle means just that, a healthier life!
Change Your Viewpoint
Your view on the world can have a significant effect on how you react to it. If you're a cynic expecting the worst all the time, or tend to blow things out of proportion and see them as much worse than they really are, then that's problematic and you need to get to the source of it. Try giving yourself more options and being empathetic! If you place yourself in other's shoes more often you'll be a little more forgiving. Example: If someone cuts you off on the highway, instead of automatically thinking they did this on purpose to YOU, give yourself other scenarios such as 'maybe they are in a serious rush, or have an emergency far greater than your appointment' and you wont react the same. Would you want others to think the worst of you all the time? I didn't think so.
The fact is no one knows why people do the things they do sometimes, so assuming the worst is what I like to call 'Y2K syndrome'. Remember how there was a panic before the year 2000 and some people packed food away in bomb shelters, withdrew all their savings, and prepared themselves for a catastrophe that didn't happen?? THAT is what you're doing when you think the worse will happen, you're wasting energy on a possibility that is most often than not, wrong. Especially when there is no way of really knowing what's going on in another's mind or heart, you're just doing yourself a disservice by writing a negative spin of your own.
The fact is no one knows why people do the things they do sometimes, so assuming the worst is what I like to call 'Y2K syndrome'. Remember how there was a panic before the year 2000 and some people packed food away in bomb shelters, withdrew all their savings, and prepared themselves for a catastrophe that didn't happen?? THAT is what you're doing when you think the worse will happen, you're wasting energy on a possibility that is most often than not, wrong. Especially when there is no way of really knowing what's going on in another's mind or heart, you're just doing yourself a disservice by writing a negative spin of your own.
Philosophical Reasoning
Another thing that is hard for some to do, is to reason before their emotional impulses eliminate any chance of being able to do so (studies have proven that once emotions get the best of you, your ability to reason and think logically is all but gone). So, you have to realise that once something has happened, it is now in the past, and no one has the ability to change the past (that we know of anyhow, lol). Hence, instead of dwelling on the fact that something happened, you're better off putting that energy towards rectifying, repairing the issue, and making things better (that is moving forward, instead of staying in one spot, or worse yet backwards). People tend to waste too much time stuck in the past, when they should care more about the present and future. So? Either you can be the one to lose your cool when the milk is spilt, analyzing and trying to figure out how and why it happened, or you can accept that what's done is done and clean it up.
Walking Away To Cool Down
Sometimes you might try to reason or change your viewpoint but you can't help yourself and you're fuming about something or someone. A good suggestion is first taking a moment to realise and rate just how angry you are (on a scale from 1-10), and then removing yourself from the situation immediately. Let the person know you need a moment of course and that you will be right back, and go for a walk or somewhere quiet where you can relax for a moment. It is important to take slow and deep constant breaths, filling the lowest part of your lungs, and enabling you to get the most oxygen in and slow down your heart rate. You can also imagine yourself somewhere you enjoy or doing something you love to do, distracting your mind from the issue at hand long enough to calm your nerves and allow you to get back to the issue. Once you feel you're relaxed enough, try and rate your anger again (from 1-10) and if it's much lower than it was before, then you can return to try and resolve the issue.
Conflict Resolution 101
Resolving conflicts is a much needed tool in life, and not all of us have been able to fine tune a method that is most effective. One thing that is hard to do is keep calm while having a 'disagreement', and that is one of the best ways to ever get your point across to someone, simply by not raising your voice. Sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it too, your tone or insinuations can provoke and exacerbate things when trying to resolve an issue. So if you find the other person is raising their voice, try lowering yours so that they're forced to quiet down just to hear what you're saying, or try saying (at a normal tone of course): "There's no need to raise your voice, I'm right in front of you".
The important thing in conflict resolution is really listening. Most of the time when arguing people tend to wait until it's their turn to speak (going over what they're going to say while the other is talking) , and have no chance of thinking any differently. You need to really listen and try and empathize with the other, and when it is your turn to speak u need to be clear about how you feel and why. Telling the person how you feel (i.e: "I feel angry...") and why ("..when your chores aren't done because...") can be satisfying when vocalized aloud and allows the other to put themselves in your shoes easier. Lastly, you want to have a resolution, what will make you feel better ("I'd appreciate it if you..") giving them an option to make things better, or at least allowing for a consensus or compromise. That can be put into your own words and delivered as you see fit, as long as you refrain from cursing, calling the other names, or blaming (try and avoid using 'you..'), and with that you should be able to easily overcome the argument quickly and easily.
You may find the need to respond differently when the situation occurs, and when that happens, try quickly thinking of as many different responses as you can (at least 2) and then pick the best response after you've assessed what the consequences would be for each of them. We tend to do or say things sometimes without caring for the consequences of them, and sometimes need to take a step back and think before we do. Eventually after adopting and integrating these techniques into your conflict resolution skills, they will come much more naturally and become habitual, and it will be much easier to cope with anger on a daily basis.
The important thing in conflict resolution is really listening. Most of the time when arguing people tend to wait until it's their turn to speak (going over what they're going to say while the other is talking) , and have no chance of thinking any differently. You need to really listen and try and empathize with the other, and when it is your turn to speak u need to be clear about how you feel and why. Telling the person how you feel (i.e: "I feel angry...") and why ("..when your chores aren't done because...") can be satisfying when vocalized aloud and allows the other to put themselves in your shoes easier. Lastly, you want to have a resolution, what will make you feel better ("I'd appreciate it if you..") giving them an option to make things better, or at least allowing for a consensus or compromise. That can be put into your own words and delivered as you see fit, as long as you refrain from cursing, calling the other names, or blaming (try and avoid using 'you..'), and with that you should be able to easily overcome the argument quickly and easily.
You may find the need to respond differently when the situation occurs, and when that happens, try quickly thinking of as many different responses as you can (at least 2) and then pick the best response after you've assessed what the consequences would be for each of them. We tend to do or say things sometimes without caring for the consequences of them, and sometimes need to take a step back and think before we do. Eventually after adopting and integrating these techniques into your conflict resolution skills, they will come much more naturally and become habitual, and it will be much easier to cope with anger on a daily basis.
**There is so much that can be written about Anger Management that I had to split this into two parts. Please join me for part 2 of Anger Management which should be available in the near future**
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